thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
