Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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