I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
