I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize