I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
