i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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