Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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