jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
