Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
