dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize