Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
