I accidentally burped into my bong.
if only i could text you this smell
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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