I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
