I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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