dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
