somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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