Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it's like iHOP with fire
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
