What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
