There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize