Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize