He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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