you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
