this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
