my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
