dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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