I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
