I have demons in me.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
