Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
