Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize