It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
we're so committed to being not committed
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
