We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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