When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
