You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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