And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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