Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
