After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
