just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize