with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You can't special order awesome
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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