it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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