Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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