She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
