I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
