I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize