community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
