just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
