I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
