i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
