What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
