my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
