WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
