Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
