You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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