You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
