brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize