a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
