So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
