hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
