No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
