you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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