Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize