i just made my gag reflex go away.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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