So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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