Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
