Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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