RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
