I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
