i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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