someone threw a dead crab at me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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