You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
my poor anus
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
